Privacy Policy

 

WARNING, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE THIS AFTER READING

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Last Updated on January 7, 2025

Picture a hand puppet making a talking motion.

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Do you see that above paragraph? That’s what this is in reality - filler text nobody reads or understands but everyone must have or we go to jail with no get out of jail free card. But I digress. Let’s begin because on every level on earth, your privacy is actually fairly important, unless you’re a politician or business raping the earth. Then I say, expose the dysfunctional people and rehabilitate.

For the purposes of this Privacy Policy, this website https://www.knottywoowoo.com [“The Website,” “Website”] is owned and operated by little ole me, a-joy Art. I’m the main guru to contact regarding any issues regarding your privacy or this policy. You may reach me privately at knottywoowoo@icloud.com. Pun completely intended.

The Purpose - We all have one.

The purpose of these mind numbing policies is to bore the literal hell out of you. And yes, to protect your privacy while you snore through the entire document. Don’t get me wrong, privacy is important in the day and age of surveillance capitalism, among many forms. But when was the last time you ever read one of these damn things? At any rate, there is a purpose of course. You do need to know a few bits and bobs while you’re reading and enjoying yourself here. These purposes are:

  1. You need to know what kind of personal data [“data”] I will be collecting.

  2. You will also need to know how I intend on using this data.

  3. You definitely will want to know who will access this data.

  4. Your rights are uber important.

  5. And probably the second most important part, the knowledge of all manner of cookies. If you have allergies, you need to know.

This policy applies to all manner of internet stuff including the terms and conditions of this website.

GDPR

The GDPR is probably a really good thing but since I’m not in Europe it’s a really complicated knee-high mess of legal strangulation. I make every effort to comply with this stuff, because like I said it matters. It’s just that I like to do this humorously. In this case, if you floated here from the European Union, this website does adhere to the Regulation (EU) 2016/679 of the European Parliament and of the Council of 27 April 2016, known as the General Data Protection Regulation (the “GDPR”). If you float here from the United Kingdom [God save the Queen - er King!], this website adheres to the GDPR as enshrined and idolized in the Data Protection Act of 2018.

There is no controller or processor located with knottywoowoo.com. Why? Because I’m a single arter for pete sake. Also, I believe I do not fall within the requirements of having to appointment one under Article 37 of the GDPR. If you’re upset about something though, feel free to email me at knottywoowoo@icloud.com.

Consent - because you need to or not need to.

Here’s the thing, if you come here, you pretty much consent to coming here. It was your choice, even if I offer plenty of cookies and some light entertainment. If you use this website you’re agreeing to these privacy policy conditions. Which basically means if I’m an asshole, you’re stuck - it’s use or get out man. Luckily for you, I actually care but still, it’s rather one-sided.

The legal basis for processing your data here is basically your consent, you can withdraw that at any time. It’s important to know though, that if you withdraw your consent, it doesn’t exactly apply to anything before you consented. All that processing is quite lawful. Sorry [frown face] if that’s upsetting but I can’t retro-anything you know. I’m magical, but not that magical. {Happy face].

If you want to withdraw consent of how personal data is used, just contact me at knottywoowoo@icloud.com. By the way, I don’t really collect much of anything. So there you go!

Legal Basis for Processing - who knew?

I literally only collect data when I have the legal right to do so. If you’re in the EU, that basis would be Article 6 for the GDPR. The following are the legal basis of collecting and processing personal data for EU floaters:

  1. You’ve provided your consent for a specific set of purposes.

  2. Processing involves the legitimate interest of a third-party user. My interest doesn’t out weight yours, but if you want that piece of art you ordered, you might want to settle down about the use of data to mail it to you - you know. With that said, my legitimate need at the moment involves communicating with peeps who contact me for some reason or other;

  3. As well as all that aforementioned purpose, I use the data you provided so I can take necessary steps to respond, enter a contract, and for the performance of said contract to which you may be an actual party to. If information is not provided, you’re literally out of luck. There would be no way to contact, communicate, or contract because you’re so invisible you don’t exist. Now that’s privacy.

Personal Data Collected:

I only collect data that I need to do my thing - well - according to the Privacy Policy which is my thing - right here. I don’t, to my knowledge, collect anything more than the bare bones listed below. If I do, I will contact you.

Data Collected Automatically:

When you come here I DO have analyticals working. What I see is rather non-descript. I see clicked links and the pages that are being viewed. I also can see general locations, like nations. I can see a certain amount of engagement. It’s just this general blob of visitor information. I couldn’t identify you, specifically.

Data Collected Non-Automatically:

I DO collect information when certain functions happen - like if you fill out a contact form for instance.

  1. I collect your first and last name because I need to know how to properly address you. “Hey you” is so rude unless that’s your name or something.

  2. I collect your email address because honestly, how can I respond if you don’t provide a way to do so? I don’t do telepathy. You’re stuck then.

This data, by the way, is actually collected from my contact form. Makes sense, right?

How I use Personal Data:

Everything I collect is used for a specific purpose, outlined here, in the Privacy Policy. Your data will not be used for anything beyond what is expressly mentioned in this policy - because that would be bad. The data that is automatically collected, as I said before, is for the following purposes:

Analytics for website engagement.

Happy now?

Data collected by way, of say that contact form, is used expressly for communication. You wanted it - why else would I collect it?

Who your information and data gets shared with:

It’s mainly me. But there is a space where someone may need to access your data for reasonable cause - like I died or something. Which is why I’m putting this here in the Privacy Policy. This person will follow the policy as disclosed here as part of necessary safety. Your safety. I’ll be dead and won’t give a shit.

Other Disclosures - because there is never too many ways one can cover one’s ass:

Your data or personal information will not be shared with third-party types, except in the following cases:

  1. I have to because the police are at my front door. The law is the law - get my meaning here? If the laws demand it, you’re doomed.

  2. If it’s because a judge is knocking at my door with a legal document demanding I do so for a legal proceeding. Bummer.

  3. To prove or protect my legal rights. This isn’t just about you.

  4. To someone who’d want to buy my website. That’s both a buyer and potential buyer. Cha-ching.

Oh, and this is important, if you follow hyperlinks from here to somewhere over there [another website], that’s on you. TOTALLY on you. I don’t have control or connection with other places nor do I control their privacy policies and practices. Make sure you know where you’re going, friend.

How Long Data is Stored:

I only keep stuff as long as I need it to complete the task for which the data was collected in the first place. If I need it longer, I’ll tell you because it’s a requirement of this here privacy policy.

How Your Data is Protected:

All protection of personal data is gifted to me by the platform itself - Squarespace. It’s on the backside of the website and it’s part of the service. I delete all that data once I’m done with it according to what is already stated in this here privacy policy.

The thing is, I can do what I can do. But there is always risk anywhere you go. I take reasonable precautions to make things secure and to keep it all safe. I cannot guarantee anything. The whole of the internet is one war zone of peeping toms and nefarious types. I safeguard as best I can and do what is reasonably practical. Anything beyond that is well - unreasonable. Do you get me?

Your Rights as a User:

If you’re an EU traveler, you have specific rights under all that GDPR stuff. Rights like:

  1. To be informed

  2. To have access

  3. To rectification

  4. To restrict processing

  5. Data portability

  6. Objection [I OBJECT!]

Children:

I don’t do the kid thing. In other words, this website is not geared toward children. As a result, I do not knowingly collect or use any personal data of humans under 16 years of age. If someone is under that age- watch me hit the delete button once I find out. If you suspect your child has been on here and has given said information, please contact me at knottywoowoo@icloud.com.

How to Access, modify, delete, or challenge data collected:

If you are an EU-ian [specifically] or anyone else for that matter, you can find out how your data has been collected and used. You can find out if your data has been disclosed to someone else. You can let me know if you want your data deleted or modified in any way. If you want to exercise your rights under the GDPR, just contact knottywoowoo@icloud.com. We’ll get er’ done.

Do not track notice:

Do Not Tract (“DNT”) is a privacy thing that you can utilize in certain web browsers. Honestly, I highly recommend this to other people. I use it openly, freely, and all the time. Knottywoowoo.com, however, doesn’t use these types of things - at least not knowingly. We also don’t track over third-party users so any DNT you’ve got going doesn’t work/apply here. Just consider the website deaf to the signals of such DNT-ness.

Opt-ing Out, Use or Disclosure:

Are you tired yet? Lawd knows I am. I’m already numb and hungry. This section is in addition to the section titled “How to Access, modify, delete, or challenge data collected” because my ass apparently isn’t covered enough at this point. Here’s the thing, there is a cookie management banner you can use to opt out of stuff. Feel free. If you are concerned that I’ve maintained your email and name from say the form or any other part of the website that collects information non-automatically, contact me at knottywoowoo@icloud. I can make sure everything is peachy where I am able and it doesn’t violate my rights too - per this here privacy policy.

Cookie Policy - my favorite part of this whole thing.

I have a whole cookie policy you can read here at Cookie Policy. It’s quite entertaining, actually. I just wish it was edible. In short, cookies are crumbs of data that gets put on your device for the purpose of collecting data about you and your browsing habits. You can disable cookies entirely via your internet browser. Just know, some cookies impact user functionality, thus deleting them may impact your experience on the website. These are the types of cookies on the website - snickerdoodles, double chocolate chip - er - oopps - wrong cookie.. If you want more info, really, go to the policy for cookies and really smell the baking aroma.

  1. Functional Cookies. These are exactly as they sound - they help it all function. They help your device remember what you’ve selected and are saved for your next visit. I sure hope you come back.

  2. Analytical Cookies: These are exactly as they sound - to analyze travelers who come to my mystical land of knotty woo woo. They improve design function by collecting info about how you access the site, the content you view, and how long you hang out.

  3. Strictly Necessary Cookies: It doesn’t work if you don’t have these. They are just the essential ones that make a website work. Yeah, you need them. They are fat-free so enjoy.

Modifications

As with anything in the legal-verse, policies must be updated when new laws and rules are promulgated by the powers that be- usually bought off by more powerful interests who really just make it look like this all protects you. Thus, when such occurrences happen, or when I learn something new, this policy may be updated to reflect these new realities. It’s recommended you occasionally check back so you understand the latest and greatest version of this policy which is duly noted at the top. If necessary, updates will be emailed. It’s funny because that won’t happen since I don’t keep that stuff. So, you’ll need to come back here and behold this beautiful policy - preferably when you have really bad insomnia.

Complaints

I always say wine [whine] is something I do not what I drink. But I probably digress here. If you have a complaint about how your personal data is used, stored, shared, and all that rot, please contact knottywoowoo@icloud.com. I will diligently try to make it all better. If you believe, unfortunately for me [frown face] that your issue is not appropriately resolved, you may contact a supervisory authority. If it’s anything in the EU, that authority is either the Information Commissioner’s Office in the UK or the Data Protection Commission in Ireland. If you’re in the United States, please excuse my language, but you’re largely f-cked. Here is an interesting article from privacyaffairs.com about how to manage this sort of thing in general. But please keep in mind, that website has it’s only privacy policy and I have no idea what it is. You’re on your own kid according to my privacy policy.

Now that we’ve established you largely have almost no privacy protection in the United States, it’s time for a cookie. Good luck out there.